Try not to lose your pants

A Short Story

Imagine losing part of your pants before your first date even started. 

It’s freshman year of college. We’ve been at Syracuse for about 4 months. One thing about me is that I ALWAYS need a story up my sleeve. With the sweet smell of crisp leaves in the air, I was craving an adventure. So what did I do? I started swiping to find romance (via Tinder). 

After swiping on this app to find some excitement, I matched with a 5 '6 absolute stud (I’m 5' 9 for reference). In true Tinder fashion, we sent approximately 6 messages back and forth. It went something like this: hey. hi. How r u. Good hbu. I'm good. Wanna move this convo to another app? It was true love. He finally asked for my Snapchat (so romantic). Fast forward to a few days later, and I was stressing out about what to wear. After trying on at least 5 different variations of the same outfit, I decided on a cropped light blue puffer jacket and high waisted black leggings. The fact that my jacket was cropped is key to this story. 

Once I put my Nike Air Force 1s on, I was ready to go. I got a snap-text and ran outside. I was being picked up in this man’s friend’s stick shift white Jeep Wrangler. For our first date, we went to Starbucks before making our way to a driving range. I don’t play golf. On our way to the range, all three of us were chatting, with my date and I in the back seat. Once we pulled into the parking lot, both guys got out of the car. In order to get out, I had to step out via the front passenger seat, and all of a sudden I heard a loud RIPPPP. Suddenly, half of my booty was out. Sheepishly, I got out of the Jeep, making sure to keep my back to the car. Because my jacket was cropped, my date and his friend were seeing a little too much for my liking. “Can I borrow a hoodie?” I asked my date’s friend, who also happened to be a pledge for his fraternity. “Uh I guess?” He replied. Once they saw what happened, they could not stop cackling at my misfortune. The pledge handed me a hoodie from the back of his trunk and I threw it on. Of course the sweatshirt was too small, and I had to keep YANKING it down to cover the hole in my pants. 

To make this date even better, we start hitting balls at the range. I was confused as to why of all places, this random man chose a driving range as our first date. I soon found out why. Because I’m actually horrendous at golfing and had only ever played (in other words, lost) at mini-golf, I had no idea what I was doing. So this man wrapped his little arms around me and smirked while helping me swing my arms and hit the ball (it only went about four feet). Finally, after what felt like days, the date ended. As he summoned his pledge, I waited patiently (and was super excited to go home and debrief with my roommates). As we got into the car, he went first so I didn’t accidentally flash him- such a gentleman. The ride was about 10 minutes long, but about 3 minutes in, all of a sudden my date looked at the pledge and went, “how long is the ride back? I hope we get stuck in traffic because I just loveee talking to Jenna. She’s so nice and funny and easy to talk to.” Meanwhile, I was staring out the window in disbelief over this man fully acting like I wasn’t there. Finally, we got to my Freshman dorm and as my date leaned in for a smooch, I swerved and went thanks for the date! And I ran. 

This story is a sign to not wear cropped puffer jackets. And to keep your pants on when stepping out of the car.